Oh, You Silly Weasleys
by BBauzzie
Summary: "D-daughter? I have a DAUGHTER, OH HOLY FREAKING MERLIN!" "Nymphadora... but if you call me that, I will chop your head off." "His name is... Justin Bieber!" 'Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god' "But Fred, what if you do it wrong?" COME ONE, COME ALL AND STEP INTO THE LIFE OF A WEASLEY! ENJOY THE HUMOUR! SHOW YOUR SADISTIC SIDE! LAUGH AT THEIR PAIN! HERE, WATCH, haHA! Easy.
1. Chapter 1

**GDAY, MY PEOPLE! HOW'S YA LIFE? GOOD? THAT'S GOOD! YUP? SO ANYWAY, IVE BEEN HOARDING USELESS WEASLEY FUNNIES IN MY NOTES FOR A WHILE NOW, WHENEVER I GET BORED I USUALLY WRITE IN IT AND I THOUGHT '****_Maybe I should make this a fanfic..._****' I HOPE YA LIKE! **

**p.s I apologise if you lose IQ points by reading this... I dropped at least twenty as I write this...**

**Disclaimer: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, I do not own Harry Potter.**

"GET THOSE BLASTED THINGS OUT OF MY FACE!"

"OH CALM DOWN CHARLIE!"

"NO DAMMIT! DON'T COME ANY BLOODY CLOSER WITH THOSE THINGS!"

"YOU STOP SWEARING, YOUNG MAN!"

"ONLY IF YOU PUT THOSE SCISSORS DOWN!" Charlie bellowed, raising his wand at his Mother. He knew he was playing with fire, but he's been burnt by bloody dragons before, so what's so bad about the Mollyarian Scissorback?

A _lot_.

"Just let me cut it! Your hair is getting frightful!" she urged, snipping the scissors in an unnerving manner.

"NEVEEEER!" he yelled, dashing out of the room. But it didn't last long when two identical faces jumped in front of him, both shouting a hex at his face. Charlie fell to the ground with a painful thud. When he overcame the shock of face-planting into the ground, he became abruptly aware that ropes were tied around his torso and feet. "W-WHAT?! GET THIS OFF!"

"Oh no, dear brother." one of the twins simpered.

"We mustn't." the other stated.

Charlie felt himself be lifted off the ground and released onto the couch. Molly slowly urged forward, a self-satisfied smirk on her face. "Snip. Snip." she said, retracting the scissors repeatedly.

"No... no. No. NO!"

* * *

Arthur Weasley paced up and down, abruptly spinning around at each wall he faced, getting dizzier and dizzier. But did he care? _No_! His freaking baby was about to be born and he had to stay outside to comfort little Ronold, whom was crying hysterically into his shoulder.

"Dad, do you plan on pacing a hole into the ground?" Arthur's oldest son, Bill asked sarcastically. His face stayed incomprehensible, but Arthur could see the worry etched into his eyes.

A door clicked and Arthur whipped around, a devastatingly bored-looking nurse, standing in the doorway. Percy, Bill and Charlie stood up, eyes filled with anticipation. Fred and George were somewhere mentally traumatising nurses.

"Well?" Arthur croaked.

"Well, come in." the nurse sighed, turning on her heel and walking back into the room. The whole Weasley family rushed into the room, almost knocking over the nurse on the way.

They were met with the face of a very tired looking Molly, but that did not stop her from having a wide smile on her pale face.

Arthur approached, very cautiously, as if he were to walk faster the earth would merely shatter beneath them. "Arthur, I'd like you to meet your new, baby... daughter." she breathed.

Arthur's eyebrow twitched. "D-daughter? I have a DAUGHTER, OH HOLY FREAKING MERLIN!" Arthur yelped, slapping his hands over his ears, as if to block out the news.

Molly's smile waned. "I know. Isn't it fanta-"

"Check again."

"W-what?! Arthur, it's a girl!"

_Eyebrow twitch_. "... Check again."

* * *

"Daddy! Daddy!" Rose called excitedly, skipping though the house.

"Hello, Rosie Cheeks." Ron grinned, watching her daughter bemusedly as she placed an object in his hand. "What's this?"

"It's an iPod, daddy! Muggles use it to play music. Mummy got it for my birthday, look!" she shoved the earplugs into his ears, a series of clicking flooding into his head as she chose a song. "His name is... _Justin Bieber_!"

"~_JUST LIKE, BABY BABY BABY OHHHHHH~_"

"AHHHHHHHH MAKE IT STOP!"

"~_JUST LIKE BABY BABY BABY NOOOO~_"

"THE HORROR! THE HORRROOOORR!"

"~_YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE. BE MINE_.~"

"IM DYING! _HNNNGGGG_!" Ron whimpered as he fell to the floor, crumpling up into a little ball, fading into ashes.

**...**

**...**

**... *grin* the last one I was laughing all the way through. Sorry about starting crappily. I have better ones coming up though. SO BE PREPARED FOR THE TWINS AND MILD SWEARING! Yah! **

**oh oh oh and if ya guys have any ideas, I shall gladLy write about them, not to mention I will mention (hahahaha, I SAID MENTION TWI- why am I laughing, I'm not funny.) you in the chapter I wrote it in.**

**REVIIIEEEWWWWWWW AND A COOKIE WILL BE MAILED TO YOUR WINDOW BY OWWWLLLLLL. CMOOONN, YA KNOW YA WANNNNAAAAAA.**


	2. Chapter 2

**WOW, IM BACK EARLY! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS... and get a nosebleed... Because we all know just how perfectly perverted my followers are... KyahahahahahahHAHA! Okay, I'll just shut up now.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, then the would be too much profanity to even ****_consider_**** it a children's book, thus making it completely unflattering and STOOOOOPPPIIIID.**

**WARNING: MAY CONTAIN IMPLIED TWINCEST AND OR CUSSING FROM THE EVER SO INNOCENT AND UNTAINTED GINNY WEASLEY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Carry on.**

Ginny walked purposely up the steps. She was going to murder her brothers! Only five minutes ago, she had been resting peacefully on her bed when '_BOOM!_', her pillow exploded into a confetti shower. Her hair was still smoking from the fireworks that followed.

She was just about to knock thunderously on their bedroom door when she heard a soft whimper. "F-Fred, I'm really not sure about this. What if you-" George faltered.

"Shh, it's alright Georgie." Fred soothed.

Ginny covered her mouth, her ears reddening the famous Weasley way. What in all that was good and right was she bloody listening to?!

"B-b-but I-"

"I told you, it's fine." Fred insisted, a tad more firm.

"But Fred, what if you do it wrong?" he whimpered in trepidation.

"I won't. I've done this _many_ times before."

Ginny's face was getting redder by every whimper and soothing words she heard. Soon, her face would be a ridiculously precise match for her ginger hair. This was not happening. They were her brothers. _Brothers_! BLOODY _TWINS_ FOR MERLIN'S SAKES...!

"You ready?" Fred asked softly.

"Y-yes." came George's strangled voice.

"Okay, on the count of three."

_THREE?!_

"Okay." George sighed a shaky breath.

"1…"

_No_.

"2…"

_Oh hell no._

"3…"

_Oh dear Merlin, please don-_

"_OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH_!"

Ginny practically jumped out of her skin and began to nervously jump around the hallway as she heard her brother George's cry. Brothers... Fred... Twins... George... Fred and George... They just... Oh hell.

"F-Fred, I can't even even walk straight!"

"That'll wear off, don't worry."

"BUT IT REALLY HURTS NOW!"

"STOP YELLING, THEY WILL HEAR YOU!"

"But Freeeeeedddddddd..."

"What?!"

"It hurts like hell, HOW DO GIRLS EVEN DEAL WITH THIS?!"

"Well, they have a lot more practice than you, i'd imagine."

"Tch."

She heard footsteps from inside the twins room and quickly retreated down the hall, not bothering with how loud her footfalls sounded.

Two tall and identical teens walked out of the doorway, half the party panting and admittedly sulky. The other, an arm swung around his limping brother.

Fred scoffed. "Oh do stop fretting Forge! It's all over now, is it not?"

"Y-yes but-"

"There are no buts. It will be worth it."

"Well..." George said with an accepting tone. "my leg _does_ feel smoother."

Fred smirked and held up the waxing strip that had all George's thick, ginger leg-hair stuck to the tape. "Uhuh, girls love it. Trust me." he said, "Now you stay here while I go bin this. Your left leg is next." he said with an evil grin.

But George was already down the hall.

* * *

Charlie sat tentatively in a compartment. He had tried for a good half an hour to find his brother Bill, but to no avail. Right now he was sitting alone, in one of the middle compartments.

He jumped at the sound of a crash, craning his head through the ajar glass door to see what had broken. A case laid opened, clothes and other belongings strewn all over the ground. "Oh bollocks!" he heard a female voice ring.

A girl with short, snow white hair, came running down the corridor, hands flying all around to pick up the fallen belongings. Charlie -being the nice ickle dickens that he is- slid open his door and began to help the young white haired witch pick what he assumed were her belongings, off of the ground.

She looked up, startled by Charlie's presence. But her surprised look, soon changed into a lazy, lopsided smile and held out her hand...hair turning a vibrant pink... "Nymphadora... but if you call me that, I will chop your head off." she smiled.

Hair.

Pink.

White... No pink.

...Blood-lust...

Scary.

"Ch-Charles... but if you call me that then... then..." Charlie abruptly stood up, and ran down the hall.

Nymphadora blinked three times, just to make sure she had not just imagined the red haired boy fall over as he flew down the hall.

* * *

"Hermione!"

"Yes Fred?"

"Who's the sexier twin, me or George?"

Hermione slowly looked up from her book, only to find two, identically eager faces staring back at her. She gathered her possessions, and walked away.

"So it was me right, yeah?"

***grins again* FATALITY, SUCCCKEEERRRRSSS. KYAHAHHAHAHAHHA IVE BEEN WAITING WITH BAITED BREATH (smart language chahaha) TO SHARE MY PERVERTEDNESS WITH ALL OF YOOOOUUUUU! Huh... well it seems I did not put the profanity one in this chappie... NO MATTER, FOR I WILL PREVAIL! HAZAAAAHHHH!**

**And guys, REVIEW GOD DAMMIT! I had a reallly funny prompt a bout Star Wars that I shall be doing, whether it be in next chapter or the chappie after and so on and so forth... O plan to make this story about five to ten chappies long soOoooooo YAH!**

**Review and I'll leave a pretzel under your pillow.**


	3. Chapter 3

**...**

**...**

**...**

**DONT KILL ME PLEEEAAASSEE! IM SORRY ITS TAKEN THIS LONG, I'VE HONESTLY BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL. BUT NOW IT IS THE TERM HOLIDAYS. HAHAHSHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH- *gets thrown into a coughing fit* ANYWAY, ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: GO AWAY. GO AWAY. GO AWAY. GO AWAY. GO. THE. ****_HELL. _****AWAY.**

**Warning: Ginny swears :3**

**P.S Star Wars and Star Wars referaaannnceeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~**

"...We've made a horrible decision, Hugo..."

"...Yes. Yes we have, Rose..."

The two Weasleys watched with absolutely _no_ amusement as their father began breathing like Darth Vader, as he stared intently at their television screen, which was playing an episode of _Star Wars_.

They didn't even pull a face as Ronald Weasley slowly turned towards his children, splitting his fingers in a completely irrelevant Vulcan impersonation before saying, "Hugo... I am your father."

Hugo merely groaned, walking out the door in irritation.

"And may the force be with you!"

* * *

Ginny went rummaging through her belongings, desperately trying to find her favourite brown jumper for the day. But to no avail, it was lost. 'Actually no' she thought to herself '_Nothing is truly lost unless your mother can't find it_!'

So down the stairs she went, in search of her mother, Molly. When she heard Molly's voice ring from the kitchen, she headed that way. Practically jumping into the kitchen, she turned to her Mother. "Mummy, have you seen my jumper?" she asked.

"No Ginny dear. Have you checked the hanger?" Molly responded.

Through her peripheral vision, Ginny saw a mop of black hair within the usual reds. She turned, and almost fainted on the spot.

"Hello!" the boy greeted, his glasses sliding down his nose.

Harry Potter was in Ginny's kitchen.

Ginny simply stood there, rooted to the spot as millions of thoughts rushed into her head... yet this is what was pushed to the front. '_Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY FUCKING GOD_!'

Then she ran outside.

* * *

Fred and George were currently sitting woefully in their older brother Percy's room as he gave them a lecture.

"But Percy, it was just a sodding joke!" Fred pleaded, a smirk threatening to tug at his lips.

"You call _this_ a joke?!" Percy yelled, pointing to his hair which were... if he was to describe it... Medusa induced. Crimson snakes were writhing and squirming around his head, snapping at any person who came within a metre of him.

Fred and George looked at eachother, then back at Percy. "Yes." they chorused.

"Your so- _Mmmmn_! I wish you- _Mnngggg_! Why won't you- _MNNNGGAAAH_!"

* * *

"BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA ! Okay okay okay, what about this... The Phantom of the Monotone?"

"BINNS! Brother you are a genius!"

"If I'm not the genius of us two, then what am I?"

"The less sexy twin. Now listen to this."

"Okay go."

"...EMO McGREASY MAN!"

"SNAPE! HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!"

"Hey, got one for Flittwick?"

"..."

"..."

"...Surprisingly no, you?"

"No... How can we... why don't we..."

"Now that's just messed up!"

**WELL! I sure hope that sufficed.**

**P.S to the guest that wrote the absolutely lovely comment containing merely 'this sucks', if your going to criticise my story could you please use constructive criticism as from that completely uninformative review , I gained nothing and no knowledge on how to better my story. Thank you! :)**

**REVIEW, MY PRETTIES! REVIEW! REVIEW!**


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